Victims vs. Leaders

Meet and greet

We often hear the following statement:

“Are you a victim or a victor”

  • but what is it that sets the two apart ….?

Here are some points I have drafted to illustrate the difference between a Victim and a Leader for my oldest son.

 Victims: Leaders:
1
Are at the mercy of others and circumstances – like puppets Take charge of their relationships and circumstances
 2 
Are inconsistent & unstable Are steady, stable, consistent & reliable
 3 
Are like a can of coke. When shaken, they explode all over the place Are like a bottle of still water.  When shaken, there are a few bubbles but calmness quickly returns.
 4 
Wait for others to take responsibility or tell them what to do Take the initiative to do what needs to be done or to do what they need to do
 5 
Blame others Take responsibility for their actions
 6 
Are easily offended. They try so hard to please & don’t feel appreciated Ignore insults. Are people and task centre. Act out their own inner strength and core/essence
 7 
Take everything personally Exude a sense of maturity. Reflect/mirror what is happening in the other.
 8 
Are defensive & feels victimised / easily hurt Detach & reflect  what is happening in the other
 9 
Set others up to show anger to reinforce their position as the victim Are calm, still, focused and in control Exude an aura of authority
  10 
Are easily angered. Show no control of their tongue or situation Give themselves time to think before they speak or act
  11 
Are Passive or Aggressive or Passively Aggressive Identify and acknowledge their anger which they channel constructively.
  12 
Act and speak impulsively Give themselves time to think decisions  &  consequences through
  13 
Whine and complain Show resilience. Bounce back when something bad happens
  14 
Hide behind noise, chaos and confusion Are quiet and organised
  15 
Have an unforgiving spirit, Harbour bitterness,   Nurture grudges Set appropriate boundaries
  16 
Want someone else to take care of them & make decisions for them Take responsibility for themselves & make their own decisions
  17 
Avoid taking responsibility, Avoid making decisions Are responsible and accountable, Take responsibility for their decisions and the consequences
  18 
Avoid commitment Keep their word
  19 
Don’t seek counsel Surround themselves with wise associates
  20 
Adopt the attitude of “Life is about me” Adopt the attitude of “Life is about me & others”
 21
Are selfish and demanding Are considerate, respectful & helpful
  22 
Are ungrateful Show appreciation freely
  23 
Accept others conditionally Accept others unconditionally, Holding the necessary boundaries to protect themselves
  24 
Feel sorry for themselves. Try to get others to feel sorry for them Show empathy to others by reflecting their feelings & giving support, Share their story with trusted others
  25 
Use & take people for granted Respect and appreciate people
  26 
Either only takes or  only give Know how to balance giving and receiving
 27
Are attention-seeking Share the attention with others
  28 
Run away from problems Face problems
  29 
Suffer from feelings of confusion, insecurity & anxiety Are insightful and calm
  30 
Need to be needed Are aware of the difference between caring for and carrying others
  31 
Are involved in other people’s affairs without giving them a chance to explore their own responsibilities Take responsibility for themselves – their own actions, thoughts and feelings. Give support & encouragement   to others to carry their own load
  32 
Control others emotionally Have no need to control others
  33 
Are  self-centred Balance caring for self and others
  34 
Don’t identify their hopes, dreams  Identify their hopes, dreams, visions &   longings
  35 
Regard the fulfilling of duty as a great gift to others “who don’t care or appreciate them” Use their gifts and talents joyfully in service that grows and guides others to maturity and leadership
  36 
Focus on the negative, Assume the worst, Misery loves company Focus on being constructive and positive, Check the facts, Move on
  37 
Are resistant to personal growth Are committed to consistent ongoing personal growth
  38 
Often exhibit immature & inappropriate behaviour   Are emotionally immature Consistently exhibit mature & appropriate behaviour   Are emotionally mature
  39 
Are prone to jealousy Are confident & clear about who they are: their strengths & weaknesses
  40 
Are competitive in relationships Are supportive in relationships
  41 
Are rebellious in relationships Are co-operative in relationships
 42
Have difficulty with setting & Holding boundaries Set & hold appropriate and healthy boundaries
  43 
Play power games, Are manipulative & Are self-interested Are authentic, real, genuine, truthful & transparent Are disinterested
  44 
Don’t have a sense of their self-worth, Are strangers to themselves Have a true sense of their identity, Are at home with themselves
  45 
Think they need to prove themselves Have no need to prove them. Act out of their core essence
  46 
Have undefined & unrealistic expectations of others. Ask for what they need
  47 
Assume others will automatically  take responsibility for meeting their needs Take responsibility for asking for what they need
  48 
Are re-active, Re-act to what is happening around them Are pro-active, Choose what they think, do and say
  49 
Wait for things to happen Make things happen
  50 
Want to do all the talking and have the last word Are skilled and disciplined listeners Are close & critical observers
  51 
Are often disconnected from themselves, others and by   implication God Himself Are integrated, unified and focused
  52 
Are spectators, Take very little or no initiative.   Criticise the initiatives of others Are participants, Take initiative and calculated risks. They push through with what they need to do
  53 
Undervalue who they are so people undervalue what they do & say Value who they are so people value what they do & say
 54
Make excuses when held to account. Take responsibility when held to account.
   
  55 
Don’t identify their vulnerability (feelings) & limits which then have power over them Identify their vulnerability ( feelings) & limits which then don’t have power over them. “The vulnerable become the invulnerable”
  56 
Have deep-seated feelings of inadequacy and fear Have a sense of competency and trust

ADDITIONAL NOTES:

On a continuum, both victims and leaders can fall off the edge and both need to grow towards something more balanced.
There are shades of grey between each end of the continuum.
The victim role is immensely subtle.
Often there are no obvious elements.
It is often only when a person experiences irritability, anger, guilt & even hurt that he realises he has been caught by the victim.
Leaders in their confidence & strength can become unteachable.
The strength of character of the leader must not become
∆          overbearing
∆          bullying
∆          too demanding
The goal is to move towards a balanced approach to life.

I hope these notes assist you as well as it did for him.

To your continued success,

Untitled

P.S.: Sign-up to my mailing list and stay updated with my blogs, resources, free gifts and so much more, as soon as they are released -> CLICK HERE

Leave a comment

Social Media Integration by Acurax Wordpress Developers
Visit Us On FacebookVisit Us On TwitterVisit Us On PinterestVisit Us On LinkedinVisit Us On YoutubeVisit Us On Instagram