Guest Post – Meaning: Loners tend to be more intellectual and loyal friends

Original Article: I Heart Intelligence.com

There is a big difference between someone who is a loner-by-choice and a socially rejected person. Contrary to what most people think, being a loner is neither good nor bad.

Loners tend to be individuals who enjoy spending time alone as much, or more so, than they do with their friends (yes, loners do have friends).

Loners Tend To Be More Intellectual and Loyal Friends.
They have a low need for peer acceptance and affiliation and engage with the world in different ways than others by focusing on their own ideas and being stimulated by solitude, as constant social interactions tend to drain them.

Loners generally have a small circle of close friends and have higher standards for their friendship and trust.

They enjoy spending time with their friends but do not depend on and attach to them like others, though they are highly loyal. Loners are generally more intellectual than others, using their time to enjoy and study anything and everything that interests them. Funny enough, both introverts and extroverts can be loners.

A lot of loners make conscious decisions to spend time away from the big social groups mainly because they understand it’s better to be on their own rather than being ‘used up’ by fake friends.

They recognise that they may have a lot of friends, but don’t see everyone as a ‘best friend‘ except for those who really resonate with them, those who know all their negative points and still prefer being with them. In this overtly ‘social’ world,  these friends are hard to find and often if they aren’t found easily, loners don’t settle for anybody and everybody for the sake of it, often being a loner is a better option!

Contrary to popular belief, not all loners have a pathological fear of social contact. “Some people simply have a low need for affiliation,” says Jonathan Cheek, a psychologist at Wellesley College. “There’s a big subdivision between the loner-by-preference and the enforced loner. Those who choose the living room over the ballroom may have inherited their temperament,” Cheek says. “Or a penchant for solitude could reflect a mix of innate tendencies and experiences such as not having many friends as a child or growing up in a family that values privacy.”

There are unhealthy cases of the lonely loners.

The lonely introverts’ camp closely borders the land of the socially anxious. Some people, for example, can “pathologically shy” or have bad experiences as children, which likely lays the groundwork for very quiet lifestyles. Those who remain “enforced loners” long to spend time with people, but shyness and anxiety inhibit them from doing so and they become introverts who tend to be alone, they may deep down prefer to be around other people, but because of their shyness, it’s difficult for them to join groups and make friends.

Such loners have several stress-inducing strikes against them: They may get butterflies whenever they have to face in-person encounters, and they are subject to outside pressure to be sociable. When major life problems crop up, loners are also less likely to seek out social support.

John Cacioppo, a psychologist at the University of Chicago, has highlighted social isolation as a health-risk factor on par with obesity and smoking. “Loneliness is like hunger and thirst—a signal to help your genes survive,” Cacioppo says. “When you’re lonely, there’s a stress response in your body, and it’s not healthy to sustain that for a long time.”

But though the term ‘loner’ tends to be pitied and and somewhat feared in our up-with-people culture. The introvert or loner can really reap secret joys from the solitary life and actually have a freer and less stressful experience that can lead to creativity, growth, learning and exceptionally deep and fulfilling relationships with those they choose to bless with their time.

Besides doesn’t it take all types to make up the world? It’s not always the quiet ones you have to be wary of, I promise!

Do you prefer to spend time with yourself rather than others?

Share your stories with us…

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Guest Post: Five Fierce Ways to become the Ultimate Entrepreneur

What does the ultimate entrepreneur look like? The truth is that although we aspire to many of our role models, success is personal. Here are five ways to find your own ‘ultimate’ success.

For some, the ultimate entrepreneur might be someone like Elon Musk — working non-stop, rich beyond measure, but with no balance in life.

For others it might simply be someone who has built a business that will sustain them; an entrepreneur who is successful but also prioritises other aspects of their life. Take a second. Think about it. What does it mean to you?

In my view the ultimate entrepreneur is focused, has copious amounts of positive energy, a supportive network, is mentally tough, has their priorities in order and has a steadfast idea towards which they are working.

Here are five ways to go about building yourself into the ultimate entrepreneur (or at least my version of one).

1. SEED YOUR DAY WITH ENERGY ENHANCERS

Your energy is your secret weapon. You should protect and enhance it at all costs. When I talk about energy I am referring to both physical and mental energy. There is an esoteric component to this as well, but we will leave that discussion for another day.

How can you enhance your physical energy? The simplest way is to get enough sleep, drink enough water, and clean up your diet. It really is as simple as that. Just get the basics right.

How can you enhance your mental energy? Remove friends and influences that drain you and replace them with a network of people who support you and can appreciate the level at which you are playing. I also suggest to my clients that they carry small symbols with them that can remind them of the goals they are working towards and other things that are important to them.

2. TRAIN FOR MENTAL TOUGHNESS

Mental toughness is the ability to pursue your goals with a positive attitude amidst the challenges and chaos of life. The most important thing I want you to know about mental toughness is that it is trained. This means that you must put in the effort and time to develop a stronger mentality.

The two important skills to train are:

  1. Self-awareness. In other words, becoming aware of the moment that you start latching on to negativity or succumbing to images of a future that might never come to pass.
  2. Creating a strong counter visualisation. This visualisation ideally contains emotionally-charged images of the big goal that you are working towards, the person that you are becoming, and the things that matter to you.

Mental toughness does not ignore the problem. It simply allows you to keep moving forward while you figure things out.

3. CREATE A SUPPORT NETWORK

It’s a great feeling when you finally find people who get it. They get what you are trying to build and the pressures and challenges you face. I’d love to tell you that such people are all around you, but the truth is that they aren’t. You must go looking for them. At events, on social media, at business forums, really wherever entrepreneurs congregate.

As with most things you need to realise the importance of time in building such a network. So, start sooner than later. One day you will wake up and realise that the people you once admired are now peers and form part of your network. It’s a great feeling. But start now.

3. ZOOM OUT

You are not your business. This is important and difficult for entrepreneurs to hear. Business is such a personal thing. Especially in the early days when you literally are your business. At some point however, you need to realise that you cannot let your business consume your life. It’s one component of your life, not its entirety.

So, make sure that you are looking after and making time for your health, your relationships, your energy levels, your creativity, and your hobbies.

4. IS IT ALL ABOUT THE MONEY?

This ties in to the previous point but also to a greater purpose. I get why money is such an important metric early on. We need it to survive, and to that end, focusing on creating more money in your business is a great goal. However, money always seems like an important thing to chase, until we have enough but are still found wanting for something more.

I think there is purpose in you just being alive, but I also believe that we create purpose with our intentions and actions. You might not currently know what a crafted purpose looks like, and that’s okay. I would encourage you to consider what your life (and business) looks like in the bigger context of serving others.

The ultimate entrepreneur is an ideal that you must create for yourself. Don’t copy the greats. Build your own version 2.0 and make it damn good.

Author:

Erik Kruger

Source: 

Entrepreneur Magazine

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