Why is it important to improve yourself?

slide-4

Sometimes, when all our doubts, fears and insecurities wrap ourselves up, we always come up with the idea of “I wish I was somebody else.”  More often than not, we think and believe that someone or rather, most people are better than us – when in reality, the fact is, most people are more scared than us.

You spot a totally eye-catching girl sitting by herself at a party, casually sipping on a glass of Asti Spumanti. You think to yourself, “she looks so perfectly calm and confident.” But if you could read thru her transparent mind, you would see a bunch of clouds of thoughts and you might just be amazed that she’s thinking “are people talking about why I am seated here alone?… Why don’t guys find me attractive? …I don’t like my ankles, they look too skinny… I wish I was as intelligent as my best friend.”

We look at a young business entrepreneur and say “Wooh… what else could he ask for?” He stares at himself in the mirror and murmurs to himself, “I hate my big eyes… I wonder why my friends won’t talk to me… I hope mom and dad would still work things out.”

Isn’t it funny? We look at other people, envy them for looking so outrageously perfect and wish we could trade places with them, while they look at us and thinks of the same thing. We are insecure of other people who themselves are insecure of us. We suffer from low self-esteem, lack of self-confidence and lose hope in self-improvement because we are enveloped in quiet desperation.

Sometimes, you notice that you have an irritating habit like biting off your fingernails, having a foul mouth, and you – of all people, is the last to know.

I have a friend who never gets tired of talking. And in most conversations, she is the only one who seems to be interested in the things she has to say. So all of our other friends tend to avoid the circles whenever she’s around, and she doesn’t notice how badly she became socially handicapped – gradually affecting the people in her environment.

One key to self-improvement is to LISTEN and TALK to a trusted friend. Find someone with who you find comfort in opening up with even the most gentle topics you want to discuss. Ask questions like “do you think I am ill-mannered?”, “Do I always sound so argumentative?”, “Do I talk too loud?”,  “Does my breath smell?”,  “Do I ever bore you when were together?”.  In this way, the other person will obviously know that you are interested in the process of self-improvement. Lend her your ears for comments and criticisms and don’t give her answers like “Don’t exaggerate! That’s just the way I am!”  Open up your mind and heart as well. And in return, you may want to help your friend with constructive criticism that will also help her improve herself.

One of Whitney Houston’s songs says “Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all.” True enough. In order to love others, you must love yourself too. Remember, you cannot give what you do not have.

Before telling other people some ways on how to improve themselves, let them see that you yourself is a representation and a product of self-improvement. Self-improvement makes us better people, we then inspire other people, and then the rest of the world will follow.

Stop thinking of yourselves as second-rate beings. Forget the repetitive thought of “If only I was richer… if only I was thinner” and so on.  Accepting your true self is the first step to self-improvement. We need to stop comparing ourselves to others only to find out at the end that we’ve got 10 more reasons to envy them.

We all have our insecurities. Nobody is perfect. We always wish we had better things, better features, better body parts, etc. But life needs not be perfect for people to be happy about themselves. Self-improvement and loving yourself is not a matter of shouting to the whole world that you are perfect and you are the best. It’s the virtue of acceptance and contentment. When we begin to improve ourselves, we then begin to feel contented and happy.

“If you can’t fly, then run, if you can’t run, then walk, if you can’t walk, then crawl, but whatever you do, you have to keep moving forward.” – Martin Luther King Jr

Here are some inspirational quotes to get your day started.  

  1. Logic will get you to A-Z. Imagination will get you everywhere.
  2. The person who never made a mistake never tried anything new.
  3. Try not to become just a man of success, but rather try become the man of value.
  4. It’s not that I am smart; it’s just that I stay with problems longer.
  5. Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The most important thing is to not to stop questioning.
  6. The world is a dangerous place, not because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing.
  7. Everyone is a genius, if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing it is stupid.
  8. A clever person solves a problem. A wise person avoids it.  
  9. A ship is always safe at a shore – but that is NOT what it is built for.  
  10. It’s fine to celebrate success, but it is more important to heed the lessons of failure.

My friend just shared this with me and I thought of sharing it with you, as well …

Health
1. Drink plenty of water.
2. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.
3. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.
4. Live with the 3 E’s — Energy, Enthusiasm and Empathy
5. Make time to pray.
6. Play more games
7. Read more books than you did last year.
8. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day
9. Sleep for 7 hours.
10. Take a 10-30 minutes walk daily. And while you walk, smile.

Personality
11. Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
12. Don’t give in to negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead, invest your energy in the positive present moment.
13. Don’t overdo. Keep your limits.
14. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
15. Don’t waste your precious energy on gossip.
16. Dream more while you are awake
17. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need…
18. Forget and forgive issues from the past. Don’t remind your partner of His/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don’t hate others.
20. Make peace with your past so it won’t spoil the present.
21. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
22. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
23. Smile and laugh more.
24. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree…

Society:
25. Call your family often.
26. Each day, give something good to others.
27. Forgive everyone for everything.
28. Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.
29. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
30. What other people think of you is none of your business.
31. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

Life
32. Do the right thing!
33. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.
34. Love has healing power.
35. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
36. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
37. The best is yet to come…
38. When you awake alive in the morning, be thankful for it.
39. Your Inner most is always happy. So, be happy.

Last but not least: Sharing is caring and creates happiness, feel free to forward this to everyone you care about, I just did by sharing these awesome tips with you.

Here are some YouTube videos which I hope you will enjoy,

To our continued success,

Yvonne E. Venter – Louw

How past experiences affect your life

woorde-soos-n-swaard

Sociologist Herbert Mead developed a theory known as social behaviourism, which helped explained why past social experiences help form an individuals’ personality. Mead did not believe that personality was developed by drives or biologically, but more on terms socially.  He stated that the self only developed when people interact with one another. Without the interaction of other people, an individual can’t develop a personality. An example of this is if a child is left in total isolation for a long period of time then they don’t mature both physically or mentally.

Next, social experience is crucial, and this includes the exchange of symbols. Only people attach meanings to words and symbols. If you tell a dog to sit and it obeys then you may give it a snack. However, this doesn’t mean it knows why to sit down, but it does so to get food. You can tell a dog to sit for numerous reasons such as wanting to impress your friends or to calm it down because it is running all over the place. Also, Mead noted that understanding individual intentions are critical.  This will help us to analyse how an individual will respond even before we act.  For example, when we’re driving we all anticipate what others may do because of experience. If an individual behind you is speeding up rather quickly, then you can assume that they are about to switch lanes, or you can assume that they are in a rush and need to get somewhere quickly. Mead refers to this as taking another individual’s role.

The truth may hurt someone for a short period but a lei will hurt forever

 Another important theory that is related to social behaviourism is the looking-glass self. This is basically like mirroring what we think others think of us.  If we think others view you as being “good looking,” then you will see yourself as being good looking, or if you think people think that you are fat then you will have that image of yourself. People take the roles of other people during development. Infants have very little knowledge so they tend to mimic others. Children often have creative minds and take on roles of other significant others or people such as parents that have special importance in their social development.  For example, children will playhouse in which someone will take the role of a mother while another take that of a father. As they age children will learn to take various roles and adjust to their surroundings. As we continue to age we will continue to see changes in our social life.

There are a lot of critics of Mead’s theories and some claim that he focuses too much on society in developing an individual’s behaviour. Another sociologist Erik H. Erikson stated that, unlike Freud who believed that personality was pretty much set in stone in the first couple of years of an individual’s life, that personality changes in stages and occurs all the way up to death. His theory is not all that accurate as well because people experience changes in different orders and times. Through all of the disagreements, sociologists generally agree on this main idea, and that is that the family has the greatest impact on an individual’s socialisation abilities. When an individual is an infant they have no control and usually rely on their parents and family members to help nurture them.

B0

Through family, they learn several communication techniques such as trust, culture, and beliefs.  Don’t get me wrong, not all learning comes solely from family; they can come from the environment as well because in a lot of cultures they use the environment to help raise a child. I guess the saying is true in which it takes a “village to raise a child.” It may not be surprising to you that different social classes tend to raise their children differently. An interesting survey that happened in the United States compared what a lower class family would want in a child compared to that of an upper-class family.  A lower-class family would usually favour obedience and conformity while an upper-class family would tend to favour creativity and good judgment (NORS, 2003).

Have you ever wondered why? Well, the reason is lower-class workers tend to have jobs that they must be very obedient in and are highly supervised. Subconsciously they are gearing their children towards that route and will even use physical punishment to achieve it. In upper-class workers, they tend to have jobs that inspire individuality and creativity which is very similar to the traits they would like to have in their children.

2005 Busy Bee's - 'I wanna be...' Competition

The school also has a large effect on an individual’s personality. If you think about it, you spend a huge chunk of time each day at school. It’s also interesting to note that children tend to play with people of the same race and gender and that boys are more physical and aggressive while girls are more well behaved. Boys also tend to find abstract activities more interesting like video games and girls tend to be more artistic.

The same thing follows when they get to college because boys tend to major in physical sciences, and computing while girls usually major in humanities and arts. In school is where children discover peer groups or individuals that have similar interests as themselves.  People tend to indemnify more with their peer groups and can have conversations about things they understand like clothes, music, and style.  Peer groups are a way for individuals to escape adult supervision, and people are usually more outspoken in peer groups.

During the adolescent years, people tend to identify more with their peer groups because they identify themselves as an adult and that is also a time in which parents are concerned about who their children hang around because they know that who they hang around influence their behaviour deeply.  During these years the mass media heavily affects individuals as well.  Studies have shown that television has made people more passive and lessened their creativity.  In the United States, they spend the most time watching television and own the most T.V sets per household.

Closing notes:

Consider the old saying of “hold your tongue” before you speak, as the impact might not be seen now but will affect an individual for the rest of their natural life. And this I state out of my own personal experience. Enduring 9 years of emotional abuse during the most important childhood years, when the conditioning of the subconscious is the most vulnerable –  affects me to this day. A considerable amount of effort and years of self-development enable me to be able to effectively function with the support of medication.

For this reason, I have collected a fair amount of tools and resources to assist me and I am sharing them with any individual who is looking for a solution -> Click Here

To your continued success,

Untitled

P.S.: Join my mailing for more insight -> Click Here

Personality and what’s the Real You?

FB_IMG_1445281090045

“Personality” – like many things in life is sort of concrete and can be difficult to define at times. The basic definition is the relatively stable characteristics that are enduring and distinctive which means it separates people from the crowd.

Psychologists that study personalities try to analyse why people act differently to different situations such as why one person acts shy when they first meet a stranger or while some people are just natural and funny and be themselves.  Some scientists believe that this is genetically engraved and that people don’t have much control over this. Other psychologists believe that it’s the environment has a significant say in the way people act.

The truth is that personality is a multi-dimensional topic and requires pieces from various theories because everyone is unique. One theory is the psychodynamic perspective which was discovered by Sigmund Freud. This theory basically states that personality merely exists on the surface and to find someone true personality you have to dig deep in mind. Psychologists who favour this approach believe that personality is an unconscious process, or that the individuals are not aware that they are conceited or confident. He was known for his controversial theory that young boys have a sexual attraction to their mother, maybe he was referring to himself with his romantic relationship with his mother who was 20 years younger than his father.

A theory of the unconscious mind that makes somewhat sense is when people are having a conversation and calls someone they know a different name. For example, if a woman broke up with her boyfriend and got a new boyfriend and calls her current boyfriend her ex-boyfriend name it could mean that he is still in her thoughts.

Freud also believes that dreams hold important motifs in behaviour.  He also believed that personality can be constructed into layers like an iceberg. The part that is buried far below the water is the id or the unconscious aspect. A good example will be children because a lot of time they will act on pleasure without thinking about the end result much. If people would have a strong id personality then this would be a very scary place to live.  People would act on natural impulses rather than conforming to social norms.  The ego is nice to have because it helps people realise reality and help conform to social norms. For example, a lot of people realise that they can’t have their sex and aggression levels high and unmanaged and when they let it go then it usually leads to crimes like rape for one.  Last, the superego also referred to as the conscious aspect is the moral decider.  It decided what is right and what is wrong.  A lot of psychologists didn’t follow Freud’s unconscious theory and a psychologist that was heavily against it was Alfred Adler.  He believed that people were motivated by purposes and goals to achieve something in life.  He also believes that people had the ability to be aware of what’s going on in their life and to consciously monitor their day to day events.  He also believed that people try to compensate for things they don’t have. For example, a person that tries to be superior may be doing it for their own insecurities because they will feel better about themselves by bringing other people down. This theory was known as individual psychology, which states that people are motivated by purposes and to attain goals.  When people attempt to overcome their insecurities this is known as compensation.  When psychologists ignore the unconscious mind they tend to look at the environment more when determining personality, and this is known as the behaviour approach. They believe that you can only determine personality by what you see on the outside surface.  For example, if someone is shy, work hard, and are motivated to achieve something, this is a part of their personality. This theory was founded by an early psychologist named BF Skinner. He also believed that a person personality can change due to the stress in the environment, so he believed that personality was never consistent.  So a person that is shy can be shifted to someone that is aggressive and outgoing, and a person that is outgoing can be shifted into a shy personality all due to their environment. If a person is giving positive reinforcement for a particular behaviour, then it is more likely that it will come up again in the future. A different approach from Freud and Skinner’s theory is the humanist approach discovered by Carl Roger. This approach is a less pessimistic view, and finds the good in humans and believes that humans have the freedom to choose their own destiny.  The central theme in Roger’s approach is the

If people would have a strong id personality then this would be a very scary place to live.  People would act on natural impulses rather than conforming to social norms.  The ego is nice to have because it helps people realise reality and help conform to social norms. For example, a lot of people realise that they can’t have their sex and aggression levels high and unmanaged and when they let it go then it usually leads to crimes like rape for one.  Last, the superego also referred as the conscious aspect is the moral decider.  It decided what is right and what is wrong.  A lot of psychologists didn’t follow Freud’s unconscious theory and a psychologist that was heavily against it was Alfred Adler.  He believed that people were motivated by purposes and goals to achieve something in life.  He also believes that people had the ability to be aware of what’s going on in their life and to consciously monitor their day to day events.  He also believed that people try to compensate for things they don’t have. For example, a person that tries to be superior may be doing it for their own insecurities because they will feel better about themselves by bringing other people down. This theory was known as individual psychology, in which states that people are motivated by purposes and to attain goals.  When people attempt to overcome their insecurities this is known as compensation.  When psychologists ignore the unconscious mind they tend to look at the environment more when determining personality, and this is known as the behaviour approach. They believe that you can only determine personality by what you see on the outside surface.  For example, if someone is shy, work hard, and are motivated to achieve something, this is a part of their personality. This theory was founded by an early psychologist named BF Skinner. He also believed that a person personality can change due to the stress in the environment, so he believed that personality was never consistent.  So a person that is shy can be shifted to someone that is aggressive and outgoing, and a person that is outgoing can be shifted into a shy personality all due to their environment. If a person is giving positive reinforcement for a particular behaviour, then it is more likely that it will come up again in the future. A different approach from Freud and Skinner’s theory is the humanist approach discovered by Carl Roger. This approach is a less pessimistic view, and finds the good in humans and believes that humans have the freedom to choose their own destiny.  The central theme in Roger’s approach is the

Last, the superego also referred to as the conscious aspect is the moral decider.  It decided what is right and what is wrong.  A lot of psychologists didn’t follow Freud’s unconscious theory and a psychologist that was heavily against it was Alfred Adler.  He believed that people were motivated by purposes and goals to achieve something in life.  He also believes that people had the ability to be aware of what’s going on in their life and to consciously monitor their day to day events.  He also believed that people try to compensate for things they don’t have. For example, a person that tries to be superior may be doing it for their own insecurities because they will feel better about themselves by bringing other people down. This theory was known as individual psychology, which states that people are motivated by purposes and to attain goals.  When people attempt to overcome their insecurities this is known as compensation.  When psychologists ignore the unconscious mind they tend to look at the environment more when determining personality, and this is known as the behaviour approach. They believe that you can only determine personality by what you see on the outside surface.  For example, if someone is shy, work hard, and are motivated to achieve something, this is a part of their personality. This theory was founded by an early psychologist named BF Skinner. He also believed that a person personality can change due to the stress in the environment, so he believed that personality was never consistent.  So a person that is shy can be shifted to someone that is aggressive and outgoing, and a person that is outgoing can be shifted into a shy personality all due to their environment. If a person is giving positive reinforcement for a particular behaviour, then it is more likely that it will come up again in the future. A different approach from Freud and Skinner’s theory is the humanist approach discovered by Carl Roger. This approach is a less pessimistic view, and finds the good in humans and believes that humans have the freedom to choose their own destiny.  The central theme in Roger’s approach is the

A lot of psychologists didn’t follow Freud’s unconscious theory and a psychologist that was heavily against it was Alfred Adler.  He believed that people were motivated by purposes and goals to achieve something in life.  He also believes that people had the ability to be aware of what’s going on in their life and to consciously monitor their day to day events.  He also believed that people try to compensate for things they don’t have. For example, a person that tries to be superior may be doing it for their own insecurities because they will feel better about themselves by bringing other people down. This theory was known as individual psychology, in which states that people are motivated by purposes and to attain goals.  When people attempt to overcome their insecurities this is known as compensation.  When psychologists ignore the unconscious mind they tend to look at the environment more when determining personality, and this is known as the behaviour approach. They believe that you can only determine personality by what you see on the outside surface.  For example, if someone is shy, work hard, and are motivated to achieve something, this is  a part of their personality. This theory was founded by an early psychologist named BF Skinner. He also believed that a person personality can change due to the stress in the environment, so he believed that personality was never consistent.  So a person that is shy can be shifted to someone that is aggressive and outgoing, and a person that is outgoing can be shifted into a shy personality all due to their environment. If a person is giving positive reinforcement for a particular behaviour, then it is more likely that it will come up again in the future. A different approach from Freud and Skinner’s theory is the humanist approach discovered by Carl Roger. This approach is a less pessimistic view, and finds the good in humans and believes that humans have the freedom to choose their own destiny.  The central theme in Roger’s approach is the

For example, a person that tries to be superior may be doing it for their own insecurities because they will feel better about themselves by bringing other people down. This theory was known as individual psychology, in which states that people are motivated by purposes and to attain goals.  When people attempt to overcome their insecurities this is known as compensation.  When psychologists ignore the unconscious mind they tend to look at the environment more when determining personality, and this is known as the behaviour approach. They believe that you can only determine personality by what you see on the outside surface.  For example, if someone is shy, work hard, and are motivated to achieve something, this is  a part of their personality. This theory was founded by an early psychologist named BF Skinner. He also believed that a person personality can change due to the stress in the environment, so he believed that personality was never consistent.  So a person that is shy can be shifted to someone that is aggressive and outgoing, and a person that is outgoing can be shifted into a shy personality all due to their environment. If a person is giving a positive reinforcement for a particular behaviour, then it is more likely that it will come up again in the future. A different approach from Freud and Skinner’s theory is the humanist approach discovered by Carl Roger. This approach is a less pessimistic view, and finds the good in humans and believes that humans have the freedom to choose their own destiny.  The central theme in Roger’s approach is the

When psychologists ignore the unconscious mind they tend to look at the environment more when determining personality, and this is known as the behaviour approach. They believe that you can only determine personality by what you see on the outside surface.  For an example, if someone is shy, work hard, and are motivated to achieve something, this is  a part of their personality. This theory was founded by an early psychologist named BF Skinner. He also believed that a person personality can change due to the stress in the environment, so he believed that personality was never consistent.  So a person that is shy can be shifted to someone that is aggressive and outgoing, and a person that is outgoing can be shifted into a shy personality all due to their environment. If a person is giving a positive reinforcement for a particular behaviour, then it is more likely that it will come up again in the future. A different approach from Freud and Skinner’s theory is the humanist approach discovered by Carl Roger. This approach is a less pessimistic view, and finds the good in humans and believes that humans have the freedom to choose their own destiny.  The central theme in Roger’s approach is the

He also believed that a person personality can change due to the stress in the environment, so he believed that personality was never consistent.  So a person that is shy can be shifted to someone that is aggressive and outgoing, and a person that is outgoing can be shifted into a shy personality all due to their environment. If a person is giving positive reinforcement for a particular behaviour, then it is more likely that it will come up again in the future. A different approach from Freud and Skinner’s theory is the humanist approach discovered by Carl Roger. This approach is a less pessimistic view, and finds the good in humans and believes that humans have the freedom to choose their own destiny.  The central theme in Roger’s approach is the

A different approach from Freud and Skinner’s theory is the humanist approach discovered by Carl Roger. This approach is a less pessimistic view, and finds the good in humans and believes that humans have the freedom to choose their own destiny.  The central theme in Roger’s approach is the self-concept which is an individual’s view of their own abilities, behaviour, traits, and personality. If a person has a distorted self-concept than most likely they will be awkward to hang around and associate with.  When analysing self-concept Rogers talked about distinguishing yourself between the real self and the ideal self. The ideal self is the type of person that we would like to be. If a person has a large conflict between their real self and the type of person that they would like to be then the more awkward or maladjusted they will act. To correct this we should try to focus more on our real self and develop a positive view on it and stop caring about what other people want or expect of us and try to have more positive experiences in our everyday lives.  Another way we can help develop a more positive view of our real self is a concept known as unconditional positive regard.  This term can be defined by being accepting of different individuals regardless of their behaviour which is kind of hard to do.  When a person is being rude, aggressive, or disrespectful, as weird as this sounds they still need support and to be loved.  This doesn’t mean to hug someone after they punch you, but more like “I don’t like the way you are acting but I still care about you and respect you as a person.”

When analysing self-concept Rogers talked about distinguishing yourself between the real self and the ideal self. The ideal self is the type of person that we would like to be. If a person has a large conflict between their real self and the type of person that they would like to be then the more awkward or maladjusted they will act. To correct this we should try to focus more on our real self and develop a positive view of it and stop caring about what other people want or expect of us and try to have more positive experiences in our everyday lives.  Another way we can help develop a more positive view of our real self is a concept known as unconditional positive regard.  This term can be defined by being accepting of different individuals regardless of their behaviour which is kind of hard to do.  When a person is being rude, aggressive, or disrespectful, as weird as this sounds they still need support and to be loved.  This doesn’t mean to hug someone after hey punch you, but more like “I don’t like the way you are acting but I still care about you and respect you as a person.”

Another way we can help develop a more positive view of our real self is a concept known as unconditional positive regard.  This term can be defined by being accepting of different individuals regardless of their behaviour which is kind of hard to do.  When a person is being rude, aggressive, or disrespectful, as weird as this sounds they still need support and to be loved.  This doesn’t mean to hug someone after they punch you, but more like “I don’t like the way you are acting but I still care about you and respect you as a person.”

Closing note:

We as a society should take all the above mentioned into consideration when dealing with our own self-development and dealing with others. Only once we can understand ourselves, we will be able to better understand those around us… For not just our own self, but for those we are directly and indirectly affected by our behaviour.

For Additional Resources: CLICK HERE

To your continued success,

Untitled

Join my mailing list for more insight -> Click Here

Animated Social Media Icons by Acurax Responsive Web Designing Company
Visit Us On FacebookVisit Us On TwitterVisit Us On PinterestVisit Us On LinkedinVisit Us On YoutubeVisit Us On Instagram